Written last month - but I posted today, as it's the second anniversary of Yachal's entry into eternity. March 10th, 2012. End of January and into February, I was having a hard few weeks of missing my little ones..
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The last couple weeks were full of tears...again.
I guess I should know, that even though I have peace, tears over my two babies will come every so often. It's normal. And, maybe it's even good. Another reminder that life is precious, and an evidence that souls last forever, as I miss little people that I never even met.
I had one solid week of hurt, you know. The kind that is so deep, it rarely surfaces. But when it does, it comes with great force.
There's a few gals who were expecting the same time as me - give or take a couple months - and when I see them, or pictures of them, I think about how far along I would've been. That's not to say I'm not happy for them, for of course I am! But, sometimes, selfish thoughts creep in. Thoughts like: no one remembers my baby. (side note: I do have some friends and family who lovingly ask me how I'm doing...and I appreicate that. :) I should be around 7.5 months along and "glowing". Instead, I'm not. I'm a mess sometimes, as I cry, aching for my babies I never knew.
But to gain some perspective, I want to quote some paragraph's from an article by Serene Allison. (after a miscarriage)
{Made for Heaven}
"I felt Him (God) speak these words into my soul...' I am your God. I am not cheating you out of your baby and your dream. I have plans for this precious child beyond this world that you can see. I blessed you to conceive this child so that it might exist and have a soul, but I want to take this one to be with me. Your precious baby was made for heaven and will not have to go through the trials of this world. Your baby is living its destiny, worshipping its Creator in heaven. It is in my arms. Rest. Rest in Me. Rest in my divine plan. I have the best in mind. Your baby is not really dead, for Heaven is the true reality. Rejoice. Your precious baby is alive. You will come and see for yourself one day."
I think that is such a neat way to put it. We were used to bring forth a life, a soul, that is made for forever - eternity. And God wanted it with Him. So, Yachal is enjoying heaven as is Tiny One. I will get to see them again. Even if I miss them...and cry some of those earthly tears.
Awww...thanks for sharing Elizabeth! Hugs to you! So encouraged to see you holding on to God through these times! Love you!
ReplyDeleteYou are so sweet, my dear! I have tears as I read this, as I, too, know the deep feelings of loss with my 5 little ones that have also been miscarried. Even now I wish I had all 12 of my children, but I know I will see and get to know them someday, and the way life speeds along, it could be very soon. Love you so much, honey. MOM XOXOX
ReplyDeleteLiz, Your raw heart is beautiful. God weeps and laughs, all at the same time. I miss my siblings, and wonder how life would be different if they were here, but because God ordains our days, it wouldn`t be better, or worse, just different, just normal, just a slice of eternity implanted with Grace . . . which is the song of all our days, because He loves us.
ReplyDeleteI love you. I wish you didn`t have to know this pain, but I see the beauty it is carving in you, deep crevices, timeless beauty, the kind that will last a long, long time.