Our Samara

     

       

 Another little life taken to heaven - our fourth miscarriage.

I couldn't believe it to find out that we were expecting again! An April baby! I was in shock, and though I wasn't "planning" for this, I got excited and ready for the sickness and exhaustion.

The tiredness came, but very little sickness - a blessing from God. So in a way, I thought that with no nausea I'd probably miscarry, but you never know - maybe God would do something different!!

But then... days before we were going to announce it, there was no heartbeat, and we lost our baby. 

From the very moment - like 5 minutes after finding out that the baby was on its way - God gave me this song that it's in the video above. Though this baby wasn't in our plans, God allowed it. 

Then He took it -  after allowing me to be the one to carry it for a while. 

And while I never want to go through this again - His ways are higher than mine. 

With losing this baby, this song means even more. 

My "mom" shirt - and the baby bump I already had.. right before the miscarriage.

Amy wrote a note to the baby

I love this picture - all of us - 10 babies.

Putting our notes in.

No matter how little, it's hard to say goodbye to another family member.

Our six earthside blessings. 

October 15th - Infant Loss Day

Another year of remembering the little ones we carried for a season, and a time of teaching our children that life is precious. Even when the world says they are worth nothing as unborn babies, as old people in a hospital, or simply because someone says you're just not worth living - that's not true. 

All life is given by God. And it's God's job to take it back. Even when we want to hold onto them so much... it's not our decision.

So, just like the Israelites were taught how to remember - we are trying to teach our kids to remember their siblings, and that all life has a purpose. Even if it's for a short time.

And if you lose a baby, don't think it wasn't God's will that this baby to be... cause it was. It was God's will that that little one made it that far. It was in God's plan that it's heart started to beat. But for some reason, it wasn't God's will to make it all the way to our arms. But to be taken to heaven. 

Really - that's God's will for us all. 

Ben and Deanna, remembering Asher. 

Remembering our four that we have lost. 

Letting go of the balloons. 

Ben took my camera and started snapping of us. :) 

Two cousins profiles. :) 

And then some hot chocolate followed and chatting and to bed for all. 

Heather's Visit

We got to have my Heather here for a few days! Such a treat! My brother James flies to the states every so often for work, and this time "dropped" her off in Toronto so I could have for a bit, and then she rejoined him later in the week. 

It was so nice to have time to chat again. Been super long. Heather has 11 children and is an amazing mom. She is one of the few that knows what life is really like in a big family and was a big encouragement to me during a low spot of motherhood.

We spent an afternoon going for a walk in Ancaster - so beautiful. 

A fuzzy picture of us. :) 

Two little beauties. 

Heather brought us a few games for us - which we have been loving (though I need her to come back and help me with one! ;) She taught us how to play a couple which the kiddos have loved.

So thankful for this time with her. :) And look forward to the next!

Meeting Amos

 Miranda and Rob had their baby just days apart from Nelly - and then Sarah had her baby a few days later...

These two had a boy - Amos James Heikoop - and all is well. :) 

We got to meet him at the hospital - the day before Thanksgiving which was a treat!

Big cousin Katy.

The beautiful momma!

Meeting Daisy

Nelly and Peter had their baby! - and Margueride Jacoba. Margueride means Daisy in English so that is what she will be called here. So funny, cause Dad Heikoop has wanted a grand child called that for years - and Nelly didn't even know. :) 

Little cutie. 

Kids enjoying to hold another baby.

Little Jason having his nap.

A Quick Hospital Visit

On September 11th, Jason finally had his circumcision which was in Burlington. It was an early morning and we waited and played together until his surgery. How we got into this surgery was an incredible blessing, and it went so well.  

So happy! Right before... and then they took him from me - and that was kinda sad... but 

One hour and a bit later, he was back in my arms - droopy, and cuddling. 

And back to happy again. 

Then chewing on his IV line. :) 

A miracle of the day happened right before we left. I had brought Jason's blood requisition to see if they got get enough blood drawn when they did his IV. It is so hard to get any blood from him. 

The surgeon was wonderful - but they tried 4 times, and no luck - so just as we were about to leave (they were going to take his IV out) I asked if they could try again. The nurse called the lab and they came up to day surgery (which she didn't think they would be able to do ) and I explained how he has been poked for 16 times - like 5 hours, with no blood being able to be gotten. 

But they were so great - and kind - and on the first try - FIRST TRY - people, they got his blood! I had tears - it was so wonderful and saved us another trip to the hospital. Thankful to the Lord for that blessing. 

Then home to cuddle.