Cheerios on the Floor

A normal day: one with cheerios everywhere.

(alright, it doesn't happen everyday, but it happens)

Yes, my floors do look like this.

And yes, my vaccum loves cheerios.

Maybe more than my children.

 Cuteness

And just for the record, this spill was my fault.

That's what happens when you're unloading groceries too quickly, and you've left an open container of cereal on your table...

"I'm so big"

And since all good bloggers end their posts with a question (which I'm not, neither do I do) :)

What does your vaccum cleaner contain?

Never mind, don't want to know. :)

Have a good Thursday!

What Playtime Looks Like...

Erik loves looking outside the door. He loves to see what's going on around him, and try to be part of it.

(don't worry, it's latched)

Katelyn playing with her toys, and her bag - she always has to carry around some type of a diaper bag to contain all her assorted items.

Lining up her latest "favorite" stuffed animals and dolls. (the itty bitty doll second from left, is my first doll) :)

"Little Miss Reader."

She loves books, and loves to be read, as well as be read to.

Just some snippets from our play life over here.

Michelle & Pieter's Wedding

At long last, the wedding of Michelle and Pieter happened!

October 21st, 2011

Michelle is one of the long-time bakers at the Windmill, and it was with great delight to see her get married.

The ceremony was nice; was held at a golf course about an hour away.

Man and Wife.

Together.

Nelly was the pianist, and did a lovely job.

Janelle and Rachel accompanied her on a few songs which turned out beautifully.

James and I. It was so nice to be together as just us for a bit. :)

Bridesmaid bouquet. Beautifully done.

Michelle's bouquet

Michelle, being the incredible baker and hard worker that she is, made all the desserts for the evening reception, as well as her own wedding cake.

The Mrs. and the Mr.

Just before leaving for home. We had to leave a bit earlier, but enjoyed the conversation, and the food.

May God bless your marriage!

Reminders of Love

I'm so thankful for family. And flowers.

The day after we lost our little one, Sarah, Diane and Brad/Ben and Deanna brought me these gorgeous bouquets. I had already been blessed by another friend a few days earlier, so our home is adorned with these displays of love and prayers.

It means a lot to me, especially since I don't have any other reminders of the baby I was loving for 11 weeks. I plan to put these photos in our "heaven babies" scrapbook I started for Yachal - along with the notes we've been given during this time. It will be something for me to keep to remind me of this tiny one - that doesn't even have a name yet...somehow, "tiny one" works for now...until James and I can think about it together. :)

Roses from Sarah.

The incredible bouquet from the two B&D's - this picture doesn't do it justice, and my roses are starting to droop, but Diane had told the florist exactly what she wanted, knowing purple is my favorite and it was impeccable - so lovely to look at it.

James had brought these flowers home from the market for me - just as an i love you - and then it was the night we lost the baby... so I still consider these flowers as part of my baby's flowers. :)

My autumn flowers from Rachel (friend from the Windmill) along with some delicious chocolate that has also been a special treat the past while. :) She brought them over a few days before we actually lost the baby, when she heard what was happening. It means a lot to have such loving friends and family around.

God is good - and faithful.

A Part of Us - with Jesus

How do I start...? I'm not questioning the "why", but I am still grieving.

Another little baby of ours, is no longer being carried by me, but by the hands of Jesus.

This tiny one was carried for 11 weeks.

Almost to the point of "safety", or at least till we can announce the news to others without thoughts of "maybe we shouldn't say anything just yet" - you know, those "it's too early" guilty feelings. We did share with our families our excitement over baby three. Mentally I was ready for having three - ready to tackle it.

Bring it on. And it might as well as been twins. :)

The first trimester was easy...too easy. I was queasy, but not sick. Just extremely tired. I knew that was strange. (Though every midwife will say, "every pregnancy is different".) I held onto hope, as I read online about other mom's who were really sick with their first two, and then totally fine with number three. But I kept remembering my mom; every time she wasn't sick for the first trimester, she would lose that precious baby. (five in all) So, both James and I, although excited and hopeful, knew the possibilities of losing this one were probable.

Then there were some signs of a coming miscarriage. I cried, and called James right away. He came home and just sat with me for a bit, and we both had some tears about this impending loss we thought...

Then we waited. I thought it would be 24 hours, like the last one, and was dreading the labor. It was hard, I remembered. Almost like a real birth - but with no joy at the end. No crying, darling, sweet baby to enjoy and lose sleep over... so we waited.

Some friends brought me some beautiful autumn flowers and some special chocolate when they heard about this possible miscarriage. So thoughtful. Meant a lot. Especially since very few people knew.

Friday afternoon, James and I went to a wedding. Just us - like a date! On the way, I started to feel worse, and I wondered if I should have tried to go. But we enjoyed the wedding, and the visiting. I did have to sit down a lot. The reception dinner was about to begin, when I realized that things were changing. Not now...

We think we may have seen the baby. Not sure.

Whatever the case, the baby was very tiny. I sobbed and sobbed as I sat on the floor. "Not this way, God, please..." I wanted to have some type of remembrance of this baby's short life. A picture, a chance to hold it, even a little box that held it's small body...anything, to remember this child.

James was so wonderful, so strong, so himself. Nelly came downstairs and let me cry on her...

I had been crying so hard that James and I went outside for a bit, to let my eyes "un-puff". We couldn't leave right away, so the rest of the evening we visited.

I was thankful that it was a painless delivery. God was gracious. And through this whole episode, God gave peace. I am at peace with this loss. Peace with His will. I'm thankful for that.

Today, I'm fine. Can't believe that it's over. Wishing I could still hold that one within me. Yet, I am looking forward to doing some things that I knew I wouldn't be able to accomplish while pregnant. But, I'd rather be expecting this little one.

Tears will come and go for a while. In some ways, this miscarriage as they call it, is not as hard as Yachal's. Maybe, because we have two children;  it wasn't as hard physically, and we had been almost expecting it for a while. Still, when I think of it, another baby of ours is gone. I'll never get to cuddle it, sing to it, or love it here. But, Dad Heikoop said something about love, which gave me this new perspective.

I feel like I have this love which can't help our baby in heaven, but I now need to re-direct that love, channel it, into Erik and Katelyn's lives. That love I have for our tiny one, needs to be put to use. Not wasted in sorrow (though there has to be some grieving) but giving life to the ones God has put in my care for a season.

Really, we only have a season to love anybody.

Whether it's two years, 28 years, or 11 weeks.

Love where God wants you to.

Imitation

Like Father, like Son.

And they both like the color orange. :)

While My Family was Here...

At long last, the day arrived...my family from Alberta arrived. :)

Excited is only part of the emotions I felt - so lovely to see them all, and hug them in reality.

The next week and a half were full and fun days. We all did fit into our little home, and it was cozy.

Here's a smattering or rather a smashing of pictures from their time with us.

(sorry - it is rather a lot of photos - I couldn't decide which ones were keepers...when my family is here, all pictures are keepers) :)

Playing with bubbles with Grandma.

My family brought such a lovely array of gifts or hand-me-down's for us that it was rather like Christmas for the first couple hours. :) The bubbles were from Grandma. :)

 Watching the little destroyer come to view their hard work. :)

I just love watching my dad play with our little children. So special. 

Just checking it out to make sure it was well built. :)

On a walk to the Windmill. All three sisters (and a coupel of darling munchkins) together again.

While they were here, we went on a tour of the Toyota plant in Cambridge - they also have a plant in Woodstock but they don't give tours there - well, that's what I found out when we arrived for our booked tour....but that's another embarrasing story....regardless, we did get a tour on the day we planned....cough...cough... And it was interesting - an incredible display of the mere works of men. Incredible organization, diligence and creativity.

We girls and the kiddos went to visit James in Burlington at the market before Thanksgiving. Anne-Marie and Charissa each took a turn helping James out, while the other went shopping for a bit with me at the mall. We all got something we needed, and had a lovely Greek lunch as we dashed back home to make it time for the girls to leave for another concert. They had 5 concerts in the time they were here. (and if you don't know - they are doing a music tour across Canada - from Sask. to PEI - a two month trip!

So glad I'm on the way!!!)

After a concert in Brantford - at our church - I got to be a part of a couple songs with them, which was special - like old times again. :)

Singing in Waterford with them as well...

 Charissa handling the soundboard, playing bass all at the same time - that girl is amazing. 

Anne-Marie and her neat mandolin playing- so proud of her, in that good kinda way. :)

Shantel giving a hand. I love this picture of her. :)

 Auntie Deanna and Katelyn helping during teardown.

 The three cousins. Katelyn was pretty proud of herself to hold baby Hudson alone

 - and Auntie Dee was there to catch the babe at the right moment. :)

Mom Heikoop playing the church organ after the concert, and Dad watching.

I like this picture - quite sweet.

Me and chubby after bathtime one night.

Thanksgiving Monday.

We joined ALL the Heikoop's for the day and went bike-riding 10 miles. All 30 some of us.

A fun experiance.

 There's just something so neat about this picture... the motion, maybe a bit "Sound of Music" ish. :)

(btw - all bike riding pictures were captured by my Mom and Charissa)

My two favorite men.

I couldn't get over how absolutely adorable Erik was in the Ergo - hat on backwards, and just chilling with James... I got in trouble for saying how cute Erik was that day. :)

A bunch of us on the way.\

Most of the group.

Thanksgiving dinner. Each of us was responsibile for bringing part of the meal.

Mom and Dad Heikoop did the turkey and stuffing.

Brad and Diane did the vegetables

Ben and Deanna  & Sarah did the mashed potatoes

Henry and Heather did the awesome green bean casserole

Us - Fehrs and Heikoops :) did the sweet taters and my mom's famous jello

Nelly and William did rolls and more, but I can't remember :)

Mark and Rob did the dessert (pumpkin, peach and pecan pie)

(now, not that you really cared to know what we ate...it's more for my memory and for generations to come to know what we ate, and how we did it with so many family present... :)

Afterward the comforting dinner, James, Mark, Anne-Marie, Charissa and myself left to watch "Courageous" (most of the others had watched it already so they did the piles of dishes. :) and my parents watched the kids)

It was so good. About two minutes into the film I was crying - and pretty much cried the whole time. I think it helps if you're a parent when you watch it...as in...you'll cry more. :) Or maybe that's just me. :)

An excellent movie, and so thankful that it is still playing in many theatres!

We went for a tour of the locks near Niagara - the Welland Canal.

A friend of ours, Arthur Taylor, is the chaplain for the canal - a neat, Christian man. He comes and speaks at our church every so often. The stories he tells are incredible...

His wife watched our little ones while we went up and down the canal roadway.

 One of our first stops was the kissing rock - where sailors wave goodbye to their wives or sweethearts.

So, we had to do what the rock said to do...of course. :)

 Arthur Taylor telling us how someone was saved...      Went to a little cafe for lunch.

Touring St.Catherines musuem. Pretty fun.

Sis and the favorite brother in law. :)

From the canal we went on to see Henry and Heather's place in Lewiston.

Erik is getting close to standing by himself. :)

Katelyn getting a ride with daddy in the warehouse.

Then we left mom and dad in Niagara Falls for a night away, while we went to play volleyball at the chapel with a bunch of the family. Lots of fun.

 Mom and Dad blessed us by taking us all out for Chinese the night before they left. It was amazing...sigh... : )

My two youthful parents whom I love and respect sooo much.

Then the next morning they started the rest of their trip to PEI and back. It wasn't too hard of a goodbye, as we'll be seeing them on their way back. :) I'm glad.

Our house was quiet after they left, but it's also good to get back into normality for a bit...

Thankful for the memories, but wish time didn't fly by so much when we're having such fun. :)