Another little life taken to heaven - our fourth miscarriage.
I couldn't believe it to find out that we were expecting again! An April baby! I was in shock, and though I wasn't "planning" for this, I got excited and ready for the sickness and exhaustion.
The tiredness came, but very little sickness - a blessing from God. So in a way, I thought that with no nausea I'd probably miscarry, but you never know - maybe God would do something different!!
But then... days before we were going to announce it, there was no heartbeat, and we lost our baby.
From the very moment - like 5 minutes after finding out that the baby was on its way - God gave me this song that it's in the video above. Though this baby wasn't in our plans, God allowed it.
Then He took it - after allowing me to be the one to carry it for a while.
And while I never want to go through this again - His ways are higher than mine.
With losing this baby, this song means even more.
My "mom" shirt - and the baby bump I already had.. right before the miscarriage.
Amy wrote a note to the baby
I love this picture - all of us - 10 babies.
Putting our notes in.
No matter how little, it's hard to say goodbye to another family member.
Another year of remembering the little ones we carried for a season, and a time of teaching our children that life is precious. Even when the world says they are worth nothing as unborn babies, as old people in a hospital, or simply because someone says you're just not worth living - that's not true.
All life is given by God. And it's God's job to take it back. Even when we want to hold onto them so much... it's not our decision.
So, just like the Israelites were taught how to remember - we are trying to teach our kids to remember their siblings, and that all life has a purpose. Even if it's for a short time.
And if you lose a baby, don't think it wasn't God's will that this baby to be... cause it was. It was God's will that that little one made it that far. It was in God's plan that it's heart started to beat. But for some reason, it wasn't God's will to make it all the way to our arms. But to be taken to heaven.
Really - that's God's will for us all.
Ben and Deanna, remembering Asher.
Remembering our four that we have lost.
Letting go of the balloons.
Ben took my camera and started snapping of us. :)
Two cousins profiles. :)
And then some hot chocolate followed and chatting and to bed for all.
We got to have my Heather here for a few days! Such a treat! My brother James flies to the states every so often for work, and this time "dropped" her off in Toronto so I could have for a bit, and then she rejoined him later in the week.
It was so nice to have time to chat again. Been super long. Heather has 11 children and is an amazing mom. She is one of the few that knows what life is really like in a big family and was a big encouragement to me during a low spot of motherhood.
We spent an afternoon going for a walk in Ancaster - so beautiful.
A fuzzy picture of us. :)
Two little beauties.
Heather brought us a few games for us - which we have been loving (though I need her to come back and help me with one! ;) She taught us how to play a couple which the kiddos have loved.
So thankful for this time with her. :) And look forward to the next!
